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The Kissing Booth 2; Rejoice as Netflix Saves us From Depression! Grade: F

Before we start this review, I must break out some Breaking News: The Toronto Blue Jays will continue home games for the 2020 MLB Season, at Sahlen Park home of the Buffalo Bisons! Wow my hometown in the 716, will finally have Major League Baseball, as families and friends will rejoice over a game at the ball park... Oh heavens no this can’t be?!! Turns out fans whom wish to attend the first ever Major League Baseball games in the city of the 716, will not be able to attend, due to fear of Covid-19. The people of Buffalo finally received Major League Baseball in their city, yet they can’t be able to enjoy games at the ballpark?? That has got to be the most Buffalo thing, I’ve ever heard in my entire life.... THAT’S BUFFALO. Sad times we’re living in I must say.

Sad times have to turn into good times someday, as this weekend surely brought us a GREAT DAY in cinema. Rejoice as Netflix brings us the glorious gift in which we call THE KISSING BOOTH 2!!! YEAH B A B Y YEAH, WE’RE SAVED DURING THIS DEPRESSION, THIS IS WHAT THE CULTURE NEEDS! The Kissing Booth 2 tells a story of a long distanced relationship between our beloved fav couple Elle (Joey King) and Noah (Jacob Elordi). While the relationship remains fairly good, Elle is experiencing MANY problems of her own. Noah has a really attractive friend in Harvard, as she assumes from his dark past of smashing women by the double digits, that he’s cheating on Elle with her. Elle is having a dilemma in receiving funds for college, as she decides to go for the Dance Dance Mania contest, to win fifty grand! But wait wait I’m not finish yet... There’s a new hot bod on the block named Marco (Taylor Zakhar Perez), whom Elle claims he could “Get It”! Wait wait there’s MORE! Elle has been spending WAY too much time with her best friend Lee (Joel Courtney), causing Lee’s girlfriend Rachel (Meganne Young) to become extremely upset with Lee, as she would like some alone time with her boyfriend and not get endlessly “Cockblocked” by Elle. Witness a heavy plot lined packed romantic comedy thrill ride, that’ll have you on the edge of your seat!

The Kissing Booth became an iconic classic in the genre of bad Romantic Netflix films. What makes The Kissing Booth special, is due to the fact it just goes for the fences, as it doesn’t care if it embarrasses itself and strikes out. It’s purpose is to have FUN! Where do I start with The Kissing Booth 2 honestly?! So much to discuss! Visually the film looks entirely fake. I don’t believe in anything I’m watching, extremely poor set design that makes every location not feel like I’m literally at that location, very heavy green screen as well, just looks really bad. The Score was surprisingly fine, this film spent some MONEY giving us some classical hits and you know what?! I RESPEK DA HUSTLE! Don’t go cheap on the music and play garbage pop songs, spend that money on some dope throwback classics, at least this film did something right.

The cast... Marvelous. I’ve declared myself a Joey King super fan, so yes the only cast member worth mentioning is our generations Meryl Streep. You know Joey King in hits like The Kissing Booth, Slender Man, Wish Upon... The gift that keeps on GIVING B A B Y! Reprising her role as Elle, Joey King’s performance this time around is some of the greatest acting I’ve ever seen I kid you not. How Joey King can transform herself, into someone you clearly can’t tell if they’re human or not, is extraordinary. Joey King swings for the fences, as she hits a home run EVERY SINGLE TIME! One can describe this performance from the likes of Nicolas Cage... You constantly ask yourself if your sanity is there, as you watch an incredible display of a performance. Scenes in which Joey King lets go of her sanity, as she acts like a nut case with her best friend TIME and TIME AGAIN! The way Joey King delivers ridiculous dialogue especially in the scene, where Elle is introduced to the new hot bod on block is INCREDIBLE! I felt like I was on a Merry Go Round, as my head kept spinning around and around, as I couldn’t comprehend the level of acting I was experiencing from the great Joey King. People call Florence Pugh, Elle Fanning, Saoirse Ronan, and Ana Taylor Joy the actresses of the future?! Those people clearly don’t watch enough movies then, because JOEY KING is the FUTURE of CINEMA! Her performance in The Kissing Booth 2 proves this is the actress to watch out for, the actress in which you drive out in droves to catch her next flick... JOEY KING B A B Y!!!

As we just witness during my Joey King rant: I’ve lost my mind. That’s exactly how I felt while partaking The Kissing Booth 2, I kid you not throughout the entire time I watched this film, I felt like I was on drugs... As one whom has never taken drugs. The Kissing Booth 2 is so wild, so ridiculous, that none of this felt real at all. The energy and tone of this film is hard to describe, it felt like I was on the GhostRider at Knotts Berry Farm, it’s a fun ride yet you feel your body is repeatedly getting attacked. The unfortunate part of The Kissing Booth 2 is it absolutely does nothing right... I mean I can’t find a single trait this film does right, because it doesn’t do anything right.

Let’s state the first fact: This film takes on way too many plot lines! There’s one point in this film, where FOUR PLOT LINES collide in just one scene... You heard me right... FOUR! This film is doing way too much to be as epic as one might thought of a possibility of a Kissing Booth sequel. How all plot lines end, doesn’t really justify how it ended up where they are all at. It’s extremely poorly developed, where you questioned just how they all got to this point?! Majority of the conflicts presented in the plot lines are extremely ridiculous. Honestly the only major conflict in this film is the inability to communicate with one another. That’s how all these problems can be easily solved: If they JUST COMMUNICATE THIER PROBLEMS, THEY’LL FIND A SOLUTION! That’s why this film is over two hours long, NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO COMMUNICATE IN THIS DAMN MOVIE! How is Elle going to get into Harvard, if she doesn’t know simple communication skills?! I want to briefly talk about this one plot line that has NOTHING to do with the story, as it’s just there to please a certain crowd. The thing is: The film itself doesn’t care about this plot line either. It appears in the first fifteen minutes in the film, comes back the first hour, then gets completed in final act... What purpose does this plot line have to do with anything?! It features two supporting characters, in which I have no idea where the hell they came from, as I question why should I care about them in the first place. Sure maybe this plot line is meaningful to “Some” people, but the problem is... WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE STORY I’M WATCHING?! I don’t mind putting something meaningful to a crowd if it has a purpose in being in a story, rather than just being there for no apparent reason other than that. People who thought that plot line was “Purposeful” shouldn’t be allowed to watch movies anymore.. I’m dead serious, this is how you want your movies made?! It’s disgraceful. Plot lines that provide no moral purpose in a story should NEVER be allowed whatsoever, it could’ve potentially wreck your film, as luckily no one will discuss it because this film is extremely bad to begin with.

The pacing of this film doesn’t really feel I’m watching this film at normal speed, feels like I’m watching at a higher speed. I kid you not: I had to briefly pause the film, to see if there was an option to slow the film down... It just didn’t feel right. As you can tell earlier regarding the plot lines: The story of this film is terrible. Feels entirely unrealistic, for some reason they shoved a Kissing Booth but didn’t follow the guidelines of the Kissing Booth. They just have our beloved characters present themselves, as they go one by one end their plot lines, without kissing anybody... THE HELL IS THIS?! Let’s discuss one of the main issues of this film, that drove me crazy... THE LOGIC IN THE DANCE DANCE MANIA MACHINE. Do the film makers have any idea, how a Dance Dance Revolution machine works?! I honestly don’t think they do at all. First of all: The Game doesn’t entirely pause, once your characters suddenly have conflict leaving the dance mat. The game keeps on going it’s course till the song is done, anybody knows that. Why does this machine suddenly pause, when the characters go through some drama?! How come the steps on the machine, light on and off, as the dancers just step whenever they feel like it?! Don’t they know you lose points if you step on any step that is not lighted up?! Lastly: YOU DON’T GET EXTRA POINTS, FOR CREATING WEIRD JUMPS AND SPINS. The objective of this freaking game, is to accurately dance on every step, that’s it! I don’t understand why Marco is doing freaking flips on this machine, I don’t understand why Elle insists they tango on this machine, why does nobody understand how DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION WORKS?!

Though I lost my sanity while watching this film, this is certainly the laugh we all needed during this time. I laughed my ass off watching this garbage as I enjoyed every second of this disaster. I’m honestly pissed off I can’t give this film a higher grade, the grade doesn’t justify how much FUN I had while watching it. As the film cuts to black on a cliff hanger, the only reaction I had was... YES B A B Y, LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOO! Truth be told: The film makers secretly filmed the third entry as it’s already done and is now in post production, so yes we are getting a trilogy! But why stop at three?! Let’s go for FOUR! The Kissing Booth 4 should take place during Covid-19, as our beloved characters lose their mind being quarantined. Their beloved arcade gets shut down causing Elle to have a total meltdown over not being able to play DANCE DANCE MANIA! She’s not only having conflict with her best friend, Noah, Marco, but now... She’s having conflict with ANOTHER MAN, whom gave her emotional comfort through FaceBook! Do it Netflix, make Kissing Booth 4 happen! I’ll write the freaking script, I’ll play a grocery store cashier with a mask on, advising Elle to wear a mask as she attacks me for attacking her right to not wear a mask, GIVE THE CULTURE WHAT IT WANTS! I’m having too much fun man, thank God for The Kissing Booth series, seriously I feel much better now.

Overall, The Kissing Booth 2 is an extremely terrible film, but is certainly extremely entertaining. I only recommend this film to those whom enjoy The Kissing Booth, this film is for the fans ONLY, other than that... Yeah don’t watch this film. As always: Open the Damn Theaters. -Mitch Smietana

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