Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City; Grade: F

Hello and Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Hope everyone is enjoying their holiday with their family and friends, getting some great shopping deals over the weekend, and of course relaxing on this glorious four day weekend. If I were to describe my Thanksgiving this year, there is a Drake line that can perfectly describe my experience, “So I’m actually never am alone, I just always feel alone.”... I feel pretty depressed, this is shaping up to be one of the worst Thanksgiving’s since 2008... I think I’ll talk about that experience in a motivational way on the next Weekly Roundup. Well my Chicago Bears won today in their barn burner and to kill a couple hours… I decided to go ahead ride my bike to the theater and watch Julia. As I was riding my bike to the theater, I thought to myself, “Ya know a documentary about Julia Child doesn’t feel like popcorn eating material, let’s go watch Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City instead.” Let’s see how this last minute plan turn out.

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City, tells a story about a small city known as Raccoon City. In this city it’s has one of the largest pharmaceutical companies, as they’ve been developing new drugs and experiments that one can say is bat shit crazy. People live in this city surely due to the fact either pride or they’re too broke to leave… That’s what it says on the beginning credits. On this night in 1998, Raccoon City is bound to be destroyed at 6 A.M. due to the fact the company fucked up as the citizens are infected by their drugs or the water they consume. Here’s to those hoping to survive this horrific night, featuring infected beings, infected zombies, and of course who can forget… Monsters with many eyeballs and horns.

So I’m not sure what is the biggest mistake made during this evening. Could it be watching Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City over watching the Cowboys vs Raiders game?! Could it be watching Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City over Julia? Could it be buying popcorn to Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City, hoping it would be an exciting popcorn film, when it was the complete opposite of that? I’m not sure what is the biggest mistake, but I can tell ya that Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City compliments my Thanksgiving experience of this year… Miserable.

I’ve never seen any of the Resident Evil films in the past when Mila Jovovich was starring in that franchise. So I figured I give it a shot since it’s entirely disassociated with that franchise. I will say though I never heard anything good about the Resident Evil films, I will say after watching this, those films look a lot more entertaining compared to whatever the hell I just watched… I respect my dedication to avoiding trailers this year, but I could’ve used a warning sign because this was flat out miserable.

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City has absolutely no energy at all, like I was sitting there bored out of my freaking mind. From a narrative perspective it’s truly awful, there’s not a whole lot of development as to how this come about or what was the purpose in these experiments… It’s just some dip shit scientist claiming “I’m doing God’s work” and that’s it, that’s the explantation to all of this. I gotta say considering 2020 and this film: I’m just going to assume for now on all scientists are psychopathic dip shits, whom get delusional because they got great test scores so now they assume their above all power… It’s amazing how a one-hundred percent on a math test will make people lose their damn mind, that’s why I’m a B person, B people are just regular everyday people, you don’t see B people lose their freaking mind only A people do.

What’s the most disappointing thing about Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City is I thought I was gearing up for some entertaining action sequences, like it was going to be an all out brawl and an entertaining time… Other than one nice kill sequence, this by far the most dull experience I’ve had while experiencing an action film in years. The way some of the action sequences are shot especially… It’s some of the worst camera work I’ve seen in awhile, a couple sequences whether it be the head officer driving into a dead end or a cop flickering a lighter as his infected co-officer comes closer to him… It’s dreadful.

I get that this is a horror film, but the assembled cast was the worst I’ve seen in years as well. Majority of the performances felt very amateurish like a student film level of acting or those picking up a camera for the first time and making a home movie, as every performance was terrible and every single scene was just poorly acted and extremely awkward. Seems like this film basically has forgotten in order to make a good horror/action, you’re going to have a working narrative, entertaining action, and acceptable performances… This film has none of that.

The entities on the table… It’s by far the stupidest thing I’ve experienced in awhile. You got infected zombies that are poorly acted and design, where it brings up why I hate zombie movies in the first place because of sequences like this. You got a special effect infected dog that looked like it came off a PS2 game, you got the big affected man whom injected themself with “God’s Work” medicine that looked stupid as hell like what the hell was that?! Who thought that looked good?! This is a theatrical release, not a straight to streaming film where no one can find it as it’s buried deep in the underground, have some pride and create something good. The final form of an entity… I got nothing left to say.

There are elements within the story that make you question it all. Like why are the time stamps going before the reveal this city will be blown up at 6 A.M.?! For a good thirty minutes I was questioning what’s with the time stamps?! What do they mean?! Why should I care?! How about introducing them when they actually have a purpose in introducing them. Why does the mother and child come to actually still care about this evil psychopath, when he gets shot?! If I were them I would want him to be killed immediately, this person is a very awful person, I’m not giving him tears or pointing a gun at this man that’s actually trying to do some decency. There’s a whole lot of why are you there and why aren’t you shooting at this person moments… The logic within these characters are so baffling, that they're all complete idiots.

I will say this film does kind of have some nice set pieces?! Like the design of the orphanage and the diner, it looked nice. Do nice set pieces cover the miserable experience and all the other problems that come along with this baffling film?! No, but at least there is something to be nice about. I really don’t know how I manage to sit through this entire film start to finish, even if I had literally nothing much to look forward to heading back home, it still would’ve been much better than this.

Overall, Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City is one of the worst films I’ve seen of this year. I don’t recommend this film, all this film is a miserable experience that questions why would this ever be allowed in a theater?! Seriously we can’t The Humans an A24 film in a theater, but this can?! At least I ended my Thanksgiving on a fairly decent note, as I had a pretty good meal at home. I hope next year it’ll be a lot better than this year’s, like this Thanksgiving drained me mentally. Anyhow thankful to see another holiday, thankful for the friends whom I stood with this holiday year, thankful to wish my friends/family a happy holiday, thankful for a Bears win, thankful for a meal on the table, and of course thankful to having the ability to discuss films with you all… Always remember though things can be shitty, you can always find something to be happy about, always have that mentality as that mentality can really save your life, God Bless. -Mitch Smietana