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Noelle Quick View Disney Plus Gives Out a Dud for Christmas Grade: D+

Source: IMDB

It’s finally here! The streaming service every child and man child has been waiting for: DISNEY PLUS B A B Y! Don’t want to grow up? Don’t want to grow out of your nostalgia and just keep revisiting the same kids movies and shows over and over again?! Too scared of films made for adults?! Have no fear: DISNEY PLUS IS HERE! WOOOOOOOOH HOOOOOO! Did I get Disney Plus?! YOU BET I DID B A B Y!! I SIGNED UP FOR THE 3 YEAR, $3 A MONTH PLAN SO I CAN BE LOCKED BY NOSTALGIA FOR YEARS AND YEARS TO COME! YEAH B A B Y YEAH! Alright all jokes aside: My sister had an account, I have movies I need to review, that’s how I got access for a few upcoming reviews. The first Disney Plus Original film I tried out is Noelle. Noelle is a Christmas story about Santa’s children Noelle (Anna Kendrick) and Nick (Bill Hader). Santa has recently passed away, so Nick is taking over as the new Santa. The problem is Nick is having a struggling time being Santa, he needs to take a break because the pressure is too much for Nick. Noelle advises Nick to take a weekend vacation... But Nick goes on vacation longer than that time period, so everyone is worried that Christmas could be canceled or worst.... Have a tech nerd run Christmas. So the whole town hates Noelle, as they won’t give her the Kringle discounts... Kringle discounts... God Forbid. Noelle decides to go find Nick at Phoenix, Arizona and save Christmas. Witness a jolly ole Christmas tale, that is empowering towards women, whom always wanted to be Santa Claus, but could never because they’re not a man and if you’re not a man, you’re not good enough to be Santa... Because that’s a first world problem we have in society now and a days. You know what Noelle reminds me of?! Tim Allen’s Santa Claus. When we’re talking about Tim Allen’s Santa Claus, I don’t mean the solid original film Santa Claus, I mean the cheaply rushed made sequels... This film feels exactly like those films. Now don’t get me wrong: I was looking forward to this film, Anna Kendrick and Bill Hader in a Christmas movie?! Sure that’s sounds cute. But when the trailer dropped... Oh no. But what we have as an end result we received a purely lame Christmas movie, that thankfully wasn’t put out in theaters. There are a few positives about this Christmas film. Anna Kendrick plays a solid performance as Noelle, she’s enjoyable to watch at least, despite how poorly written this character is. Bill Hader was fine as Nick, I felt the film didn’t let Bill be Bill in this, but then again it’s Disney: Where creativity is limited to a bare minimum. As far as capturing Christmas spirit: I felt this film did the job perfectly fine, it does bring your mood up to buy presents for those you love and blast Christmas music until your entire family/friends hate your guts. Especially towards Noelle’s little speech, despite some bad jokes... It still was a nice scene to feel inspired about the Christmas spirit. The Cinematography of this film is pretty uninteresting, like I can’t recall a single good shot in this film. For some reason this film repeats the same shot over and over again, in such an obnoxious way. Like that over view shot of the North Pole I kid you not: Is replayed four times... The same exact shot is shown four times over and over again. No matter how many times you show me this shot, it still doesn’t look good at all, so stop showing it. You can say the same thing regarding the reindeer getting fed bird seed in Arizona, like that same shot is used two times... Is Disney this lazy?! Oh boy: Did I hate the special effects in this damn movie, every CGI reindeer or sleigh looked absolutely fake, it’s not convincing to the slightest. Poor set design as well, I thought majority of them were ugly. Like Noelle’s detective friend Jake’s (Kingsley Ben-Adir) apartment for example... What is that?! Somebody in a comfortable line of work, would actually pay rent for that apartment?! It’s so freaking ugly. You know what bothered me about this film?! How unrealistic they made Phoenix, Arizona to be. I just visited this city a few days ago and it’s not even close to glamorous and fancy like it’s shown in this film. I mean the air smells like straight up piss, I can guarantee this was shot in LA because this is not what Arizona looks like at all. I found the editing to be atrocious at times, many unnecessary cuts. Besides Kendrick and Hader, I found the acting to be extremely brutal at times. Kingsley Ben-Adir played a terrible performance as Jake, like it would be fine in a straight to Hallmark Christmas special, but in the first Disney Plus original film?! He was so unbearable to watch, line delivery was poor, facial expressions to situations were terrible, he even has terrible chemistry with his son as well. Majority of the child acting was terrible too, I’m giving the child whom played the deaf child a pass because she was fine, but everyone else: Sheesh! The story was pretty lousy for the most part, as this film treats it’s characters like they have developed arcs by just saying they do, but were never fully developed start to finish. Like Noelle main example, the film treats as this character is uncaring, spoiled, selfish, and rotten... I didn’t get that at all. Sure she likes stuff, but I never got a sense that she was selfish, she was always doing for others and wasn’t moody about her role in the North Pole, sure a little discouraged or uncertain she was fulfilling her purpose, but that’s not being selfish at all as what the film is trying to make her as. I thought how this film handled their characters arc was just embarrassing, they just say it rather than develop her on hand. Same with the elderly elf woman character, how exactly did she earn her right to be elderly elf in charge?! What did she do that made the North Pole council go, “Ah yes, she should be in charge because.... Woman empowerment?!” I mean at least Noelle earned the right to be Santa because she made an effort to retrieve Nick and had the Kringle charm her brother didn’t have, what exactly did this random elf woman do to earn that role?! I do want to talk about the women empowerment thing... It feels completely forced, to the point where it’s incredibly cringe to the max. I’m all for women empowerment, women have been taking care me since birth and troubling times in school, so I’m all for women... But what this film does with it, feels completely obnoxious and overly forced, to the point where you grow a pounding headache as your reminded of today’s completely idiotic society. Like it could’ve been this sweet simple thing, but no they over do it just like everything else in life. Not a good start for the Disney Plus original film run, but however could’ve been a lot worst... They could’ve began their run with The Lion King remake. Overall, Noelle was a pretty lame Christmas film. I don’t recommend this film, just watch Santa Claus instead on the streaming platform.... Or better yet, there’s this new streaming platform you may not of heard of yet. It’s called Netflix? They have this new Christmas film called Klaus that was actually really good, you should give that unheard of streaming platform a shot. -Mitch Smietana

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