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Jurassic World Dominion; An Epic Disaster for a Beloved Franchise. Grade: D-

Jurassic World Dominion is the final continuation of the Jurassic Park saga… Or they say it is who knows, honesty is a lost art form in this world. Anyhow in this epic conclusion: There has been a pair of kidnappings going on, that involves a baby dinosaur and the young cloned girl Maisie Lockwood (Isabella Sermon) whom let the world gone to shit, by letting all the dinosaurs escape from last time. Our pals we’ve come to know and love over the years Owen (Chris Pratt) and Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) will be accompanied by Alan (Sam Neill), Ian (Jeff Goldblum), and Ellie (Laura Dern) who know a thing or two about dinosaurs as they hope to rescue to Maisie and the baby dinosaur in this grand pack epic adventure!

After the lousy sequel of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, I feel we’ve all had a thought of “Well it can’t get any worse!” I mean sure the conclusion of that film is laughably horrendous, however I felt there was some potential in which we could achieve at least a decent quality finale. I didn’t watch a single trailer for this film, as I went on to the assumption this was going to be some apocalyptic storyline, where the human race is in jeopardy due to the fact the dinosaurs is killing everyone on sight, so the remaining humans living are trying to survive or search for a place of safety far away from the dangerous like creatures. Plus you have the director of the first Jurassic World film Colin Trevorrow returning to direct, so you figured there is no possible way it can go any lower.

Jurassic World Dominion can only be described in two words: An Embarrassment. When you think of the original creation Steven Spielberg had made with Jurassic Park… I don’t think he would’ve ever thought to himself years down the road, that his creation would transition to the making of a 185 million dollar budget Horny Teenagers Not Paying Attention and Making Out Throughout the Film type of film. That’s really the only realistic demographic I could actually come up with, when describing who exactly is this film made for… It is simply a very atrocious film in which I am so heavily appalled by and quite sicken with.

When I described my assumption for what this finale could’ve been, on paper yeah it sounds like a typical cliche kind of disaster film, however why not?! There is a lot of fun to be made with that kind of idea, plus it gives it a much darker serious tone, where the end of humanity is upon us plus it’s your final one so go out with a BANG! But they really thought of the worst possible idea with a Kidnapping/Rescue/Heist storyline?!?! Are you serious?! For an epic finale of a beloved franchise: This is last thing I want to see, because clearly this whole marketing scheme of “This is It! This is the final film!” is total bullshit. Like how am I supposed to believe this is the end of Jurassic Park/World, when clearly there is no sign of this world being completely tamed without a disaster waiting to happen?!

The thing that bothers me the most about this film in general, is the fact the dinosaurs make zero impact to the story. I mean the dinosaurs are just for show and play off as a distraction, if you taken the dinosaurs completely out of this film… There would be no significant impact done whatsoever, as the film would be told fairly the same.

Honestly the main issues have to deal with dinosaurs. The Special Effects for the dinosaurs are HORRIFYING! In order for the special effects to have a consistent effect to where their shown fairly: You can not over stay your welcome, as there is certain lighting and screen time made to where they can be as effective as possible. Majority of the time most of the dinosaurs look absolute SHIT, like you can clearly tell majority of what your watching is not real as it’s clearly computer generated to the max, it’s really awful but that’s what happens when you placed them in poor lighting half of the run time.

For whatever reason this film tries to make the audience believe, that some certain dinosaurs are significant to the storyline or we should keep an eye on a couple certain dinosaurs. I mean the director claimed one of the dinosaurs was like Joker from Joker… Drug test this man because what the hell is he talking about?! The film makes you give two damns about any dinosaur to be honest, like when certain types were mentioned I could barely even correlate to the significance of any of them. Not a single dinosaur made an impact on this film, they’re nothing but a distraction, as when the film puts our attention back on the dinosaur they kidnapped in the first place, I was confused as to why they cared about the dinosaur in the first place since it went out and about and returned in the freaking third act.

The repetitiveness of this film is such a drag. The film will repeat the same sequence of characters going to a whole new location over and over again, the film will repeat the same lousy useless dinosaur sequence over and over again, the film will continue to the drag what feels like an ETERNITY in the final thirty minutes… It feels like I’m watching a collection of scenes that struggle to be comprehensible as to what is going on exactly?!

The film is WAY TOO LONG, as I struggled to keep my composure and interest to what is going on. In fact I kept saying out loud “When the fuck is this movie going to end?” or “End this fucking movie already”... It is such a painful experience to sit through. The dialogue is atrocious, from lines “Ya Feel Me?” to “I slid in his DM’s”... MAKE IT STOP PLEASE!!! I did not enjoyed the conclusion of this film whatsoever, it’s purely baffling as it a copy and paste sequence from previous films, as the final nail to the coffin regarding humans living with dinosaurs… Such an atrocious way to go out. I would like to also point out in an sequence of betrayal between characters Ramsay (Mamoudou Athie) and Lewis (Campbell Scott)… Why does this film make it out as this pivotal moment in this film?! It acts like the audience including Lewis is completely stunned, that Ramsay would do such thing as to betray him, like they were good friends. The film has never established any kind of chemistry nor screen time that they were such “Great” colleagues, they have a couple brief moments, but the film act like this was completely shocking to Lewis is completely baffling.

It was an immense struggle to find one good thing to say, however I will say the antagonist that was written wasn’t entirely terrible. The antagonist of this film used this tragedy, in order to self benefit himself causing another tragedy in which he can profit off of it and have more control over the human population messing with the food supply. To me I felt that wasn’t half bad, considering the fact the last few years we’ve been seeing billionaires attempting the same exact thing… I won’t mention names, but let’s just say he’s one whom gives out “Health Recommendations”, even though he’s a fat unhealthy slob… You’ll figure it out.

Overall, Jurassic World Dominion was complete and utter GARBAGE! I don’t recommend this film at all, unless you want to a nice place to make-out with your loved one then knock yourself out I guess. My love whom I was visiting out in Cali, suggested for a date idea that we go to a movie and dinner together. This film was released that same week as I figured this would’ve been a nice first date film to go see, as it could be a whole lot of fun… Oh boy, would I have been DEAD wrong, we dodged a bullet. -Mitch Smietana

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