• Strictly Films

Girls With Balls Quick View I Mean.... Why? Grade: F

Source: IMDB

Girls With Balls... Can't think of a better title?! I would've called this Killer Spike, ya know volleyball and killing people?! It works... Anyways, tells a story of volleyball team the Falcons. The Falcons were on there way home, but the road was closed, so they went on a different route. The other route lead them to a bunch of psychopaths, whom want to kill this volleyball team because they want to and also I believe to satisfy their cannibalism?! I saw a body part being grind up, that's what I assume. So you may ask me: Where did I find this film? Why did I watch this film? Well I was scrolling through Netflix, there comes a weird promo poster of "Girls With Balls" as I thought this was going to be a killer basketball movie... Boy, was I wrong. I have one good thing to say about this film: The film looks like a real movie, it doesn't look cheap at all, so good job. I would've said Cinematography... But the camera work in some of these action scenes are atrocious, but anyways at least it looks nice. Besides that: OH NO. Let's discuss the characters first: No one is likable, I wanted them all to die. Either they're complete jerks, completely obnoxious, disgusting, or even scream and yell repeatedly... My God, every character sucks. Even our antagonists sucks, I get their motivation... Kind of?! But they are just as unlikable as them, completely whacked out of their minds. Every actor is over the top acting in this damn movie, especially the coach.. All he does is scream and yell, like dude just take a chill pill. You know not all coaches scream and yell, I've met Brad Stevens coach for the Celtics, as he's a nice calm man, so the coach doesn't have to yell and scream every second. The story is just a complete baffling mess. First off: This volleyball team didn't have to go to the other route, you could've just moved the cones away and keep driving. What do you mean they can't walk a quarter mile, to see if the road was not closed at all?! There is no patrol officer? There is no construction workers around?! So this is played as a comedy?! The comedy material was outrageously stupid, it's flat out obnoxious. We have a random scene in the beginning, of a volleyball player acting like a stripper, then when a weird guy comes up to her, she offends him by calling him Tom Sawyer.... OH AHAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S FUNNY.... HUH?! How about another volleyball character making bird calls, because these weirdos like bird calls?! No?! I turned the film off, when the coach got bit by a small Chihuahua near his crotch area, as he humped the dog against a giant rock, choked the dog and ripped the dog’s head off... THAT'S FUNNY?! I call that disturbing, problematic, and disgusting. Now this is the directors first time directing a film, he did work for Raw and Knife+Heart... Stick to make-up man, that's your calling, this is not. I mean at least you tried, you wanted to write and direct your own movie and you did... Good for you, no harm no foul, but make-up is where you're at your best. Speaking of makeup: Most of the death scenes in this looked absolutely cheap and fake, like you can tell that was a rubber bloody hand, you can tell the blood isn't real... What the hell happened here?! Also this film rips off a scene from The Descent, except they did it extremely poorly, with no suspense or thrill behind what The Descent did. I just scroll through clip and after clip, that ripped off scene went nowhere apparently... Ehhhhhhhh. Overall, Girls with Balls is the worst film of the entire year so far... Congrats How High 2, I don't know how you did it, but here we are. I don't recommend this film, just go watch The Art of Self-Defense. -Mitch Smietana

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