Death on the Nile; Grade: C-

Death on the Nile tells a story about a married wed couple Simon (Armie Hammer) and Linnet (Gal Gadot), whom is spending their honeymoon along the Nile on a boat. The couple fears that Simon’s ex Jacqueline (Emma McKay) is up to no good, as she comes to the honeymoon unannounced looking for vengeance against Linnet for stealing her man. Well while on their honeymoon, Linnet is found dead on her bed side, as anyone could’ve been the criminal behind this foul murder. It’s up to the greatest detective known to man Hercule Poirot (Kenneth Branagh) to solve the case as to who committed the crime and why did they murder Linnet?!

I didn’t really care for The Murder on the Orient Express just thought it was ok at best, as I had the bare minimum expectations for this unexpected sequel. I say unexpected sequel because I just didn’t think it was necessary to make another film, especially where there’s really not much of a fan base behind the first one so it seemed odd. I’m honestly surprised this film was able to be a theatrical release, considering the fact there is so much controversy surrounding one of the lead actors of this film Armie Hammer so I thought they would just dump this on Disney Plus… We can’t get Pixar films in theaters, but we can get this?! Nothing makes any sense.

Best thing about Death on the Nile for me is opening sequence. The film literally creates a mini origin story about Hercule’s mustache and why he grown a mustache to begin with… I thought that whole opening sequence was easily the most interesting and entertaining part of this entire film, it’s so odd yet it was kind of neat.

Death on the Nile somehow manages to be a much more dull film than the first film, as I almost fell asleep about nine times while watching this film. I think the main issue with Death on the Nile is how extremely predictable this film is: Within the first eight minutes of this film, I knew exactly where this film was going and knew exactly whom the culprits were. At least the first film wasn’t that predictable on who dun it, but this film… Man like you can tell there was no effort made to be clever whatsoever. Even if I already knew where this film was heading: The substance is just dreadfully boring as there’s really nothing interesting nor entertaining about this film at all. When I looked over at my phone to check how much longer I had, I was shocked by how far along I was because literally not much happens yet we’re about to enter the epic finale… It’s just a very dull and uninteresting film.

Death on the Nile has a couple cringey moments. Like Gal Gadot doing yet again another model runway for no apparent reason, Jacqueline’s entering a lobby as she strikes a pose… It’s very odd to experience these moments in a film like this. There is also a couple bad green screen moments that looked way too noticeable as well. I don’t hate Death on the Nile at all, but unfortunately it’s what I expected from a sequel only not much effort is made to elevate a whole brand new storyline and I just hope we don’t get a third one.

Overall, Death on the Nile was mediocre. I don’t recommend this film, it’s amazing how I just don’t care for these films, yet Adam Sandler’s Murder Mystery I actually dig that film… I don’t know what to tell ya. -Mitch Smietana