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Black Christmas (2019) Not Terrible, But Will Be Forgotten in a Couple Weeks Grade: D+

Source: IMDB


Do you love remakes that you never once asked for?! Well lucky for you Hollywood has got that covered, introducing the third remake of a slasher holiday film.... BLACK CHRISTMAS (2019)! This was apart of my Christmas movie double feature on Star Wars opening night, featuring Last Christmas and Black Christmas. Why would I see two Christmas movies before seeing Star Wars?!? Simple: Christmas> Star Wars.... DUH. So Black Christmas takes place around Christmas time, featuring a sorority sister group and an accurate portrayal of every frat boy you know. Weird occurrences have been going on this time of year. Random masked hoodie men are going around slashing woman after woman, as nobody knows why. Witness a watered down holiday slasher film, where not only will you be annoyed, but have yourself questioning how did you get in a theater in the first place?! So I watched the original Black Christmas film from 1974 not too long ago, as I thought it was a solid horror movie. The thing that surprises me the most about these Black Christmas remakes, is the fact they are not successful critically or from an audience perspective. I mean the concept is so simple, all you have to do is provide entertainment value and you're good to go... Why can't they get it right?! Black Christmas (2019) has been getting a lot of hate and blacklash since it's release and I can understand why. For starters the opening 40 minutes or so, before one of the hooded men comes in the house with a cross bow is pretty boring but mostly annoying. The film introduces a side kick character whom is suppose to be a protagonist and honestly... This character got on my nerves, it was honestly obnoxious. All she did the entire time is talk bad about the male gender and trying to get male teachers fired for not providing variety in studies, it felt like scrolling down on Twitter and some random "woke" account tweeting about a bunch of nonsense, it was painful to hear and watch. Now don't get me wrong I'm not a fan of my gender and can understand why this character hates men... But when it's in your face the entire time she's on screen, as she has nothing to offer but just that... It gets tiresome to watch as you honestly hope this character dies, which is what the filmmaker does not want us to happen to this character because she's suppose to be the good guy in this film. The film’s entire vibe is that all men are trash and that their a bunch of rapists. It’s made clear when a poster reads at a party, “21 to drink, 18 to stay over”... I hate Frats more than anything, but even then I feel like not one single man in existence would have that poster hanging in their house, to look “cool”. The lack of entertainment value to this film for the first 40 minutes was bare minimum. We get some set up kills and unsatisfying pay offs, due to the PG-13 rating, but where it just had me falling asleep is the dull dialogue it was displaying. It's just lazy writing, where it becomes widely noticeable due to the fact you're not offering anything other than two scenes where a set up and pay off is shown. Now we can blame the marketing for this film being so predictable story wise, due to the fact it literally showed every single beat for beat, shot for shot in the trailer. But if you haven't seen the trailer, I still think it would be completely noticeable. This film doesn't do a good job having you on the edge of your seat with suspense, of not knowing who would be involved in these murders that are happening around the college campus and why some college girls are not arriving at their family's home for the holidays. You just know where everything is going and to be honest for a film like this... It just comes off completely lazy in execution. Like what is the point in this film being made, if you're not going to even attempt in trying to bring us something interesting, intriguing, or entertaining?! Now I don't think Black Christmas (2019) is as terrible as people are saying, it's not good but far from terrible. I think once the hooded men came into the house with cross bows, it became a little bit more entertaining. Things were starting to pickup, the kills were becoming alive instead of just cutting away like before, and even the bizarre unrealistic elements were keeping me awake. For me this is a watered down version of Sorority Row (2009). Sorority Row is by no means a good movie at all, but I remember it due to it's rather entertaining kills. With Black Christmas I felt the PG-13 rating held it back from being let loose, into being extremely wild and entertaining. I understand they wanted to fill seats with the PG-13 rating, but as you can tell from the box office numbers... It wouldn't have hurt to risk an R rating, to make a better movie. I think the hate and outrage for this film is a bit much, due to the fact this is going to be forgotten within a couple weeks. Overall, Black Christmas is just another piece of crap. I don't recommend this film at all, just watch the original, ya know... The only good Black Christmas. -Mitch Smietana